on being afraid to tell the real story

the messy parts. i (we) leave them out. when i tell my stories to you, i tell the parts i want you to hear. the parts i think you'll accept, even if you don't totally "get me".  but not the ugly parts. if i did, you might not like me. might turn away. i might be unloved, or... unworthy of love.

it's an instagram life.

filtered, all beauty, leaving out the mess...

here's a selfie

{not only does this process of filtering enhance by smoothing and brightening, it also hides by cropping, clouding... } i took this shot in my kitchen on monday. then i took a few steps back to document the mess for this post, and i giggled. couldn't stop laughing. i mean, look how much mess you can crop out just by changing an angle, zooming in...! 

i'm sure i'm not the first to notice this proclivity of instagram (and other forms of storytelling - this one just happens to be my most well-loved one, currently) to falsify - just a bit, here and there - 

even as it beautifies.

 i don't think it's all bad. sometimes the mess just isn't part of the story you're telling. it's when you intentionally crop the mess out of fear... when i do... when we hide.

i bought these boots the first week of january 2012 (like, as in january of LAST YEAR), and never wore them out of a lack of laces. finally ordered some, and then changed my mind - decided to go with actual vintage lace... and LOVED how it turned out. posted this shot, and they were fallen in love with by many (as in, all 3 of the people who commented on it ;)

but here's what you didn't see: 

a broken zipper the first time i wore them. because they were cheap imitations from the fashion district in downtown LA. irreparable (by me, at least) after only a couple hours, when the laces took almost that just to put in! so there's the sad part of all that work for (almost) nothing, the "i'm too cheap to spend a hundred bucks on the real thing so my crap always falls apart, a little bit ashamed" part... 

and i crop those out and leave you thinking i'm awesome because of my pretty boots (i mean, really - scroll back up and look at them - they're SO CUTE!)...

this is a silly example, but i think it illustrates some of the deeper ways we do this, too. hiding, revealing only what we believe acceptable (to people, ourselves, God even)... 

not the truest us with all the beauty and all the mess tangled up in light and chain and deep waters. 

will you join me in choosing the really Real? in accepting our authentic selves and the one who knows it all deeper than we ourselves do (and accepts us, lavishes grace and so much freedom, always), and living life freely and loving bravely...? and telling the {real} story...

another pretty shoes shot

aaand here's what they look like on bottom ;)

yep, i'm still wearing them (like, right now) - 

so the sole ripped off... so?! i can still wear them! 

...as long as there are no puddles in my path (or mud, or worse... ;)

just chillin, soleless...
don't you want to pin[terest] these awesome shoes?! go ahead... you know you want to ;)