if i could do anything: my life-vision {which becomes brave as it gets feet and hands and wings put to it}

if i could do anything.

i’d write poetry and sing to the hearts of broken women.

dancing where my words and the melody of my life touch yours.

opening something that was closed.

touching to heal something that was broken.

freeing what was held captive.

drawing on his life, I long to breathe life.

speaking light in dark places.

painting beauty for ashes.

my uniquely designed life-flesh set to music and nearness.

i penned that vision tonight, thinking these were new things that i was just realizing i desired...
then i looked back at this journal page from a couple weeks ago and saw an echo of almost everything in it...
and THEN... echoes of the prophet isaiah as he foreshadows the deliverer
(jesus claims this as his life-vision-purpose)

the spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant those who mourn in zion --
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord
that he may be glorified.
isaiah 61:1-3

this is my desire, and #iaccept my desires.

this art journal page spread was created based on prompts from the art journaler community <3

linking up with emily

the fear that drives New Year's Resolutions

doodled a "cover" for my 2013 art journal

i am not enough. 
and i'm too much.

these fears run deep, probably deeper than most, and are really the undercurrent of so many of the other fears. because if i believed i was enough, right now, my spirit and his, intertwined in this moment... i could take a deep breath {breath...} and live free and love well. my sons have the mother they need. my husband has the wife designed for him. my artistic desire and abilities are exactly where they are meant to be right now in this moment.

i wouldn't be overwhelmed with feelings of failure and needing to figure it all out... making resolutions that i know i'll never be able to keep up with. i'd be risking, pulling down walls, brick by brick with my bare hands. getting cut and bruised, but really breathing and living free. 

so, while my initial "list" included SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound - thank you, nursing school) of moving toward health (and i do still want to cook and eat healthy and exercise and floss and dance and play with my boys), my recovering-perfectionist nature starts condemning me as soon as i "break" one of these. ope, drank a soda AND didn't floss that night. you're hopeless. or, you can do better - work harder! but i'm SO OVER those traps. the striving and the chains to expectations (my own and others'). 

so instead, i started something like a bucket list. just a bunch of dream-brave-heart-sometimes-silly things that make me feel like i'm living again... just the beginnings of a list, always open to modification...

because, really, what's the point of "being healthy" when you're not even really living?

did you see i already crossed off #15? try a top knot 1.1.13